Some people are just touchy.

13Sep06

INT. TYPICAL OFFICE BREAK ROOM – LUNCH

Jim and Steve compare their lunches.

Jim: Nice. My wife bought the good cheese.

Steve: Your wife is kind of a dirty whore, huh?

POW. Jim punches Steve in the face.

INT. HR DIRECTOR’S OFFICE – 15 MINUTES LATER

Steve holds an ice pack to his eye. Ralph, the new HR director, reads a file.

Ralph: This is not your first work altercation is it, Steve?

Steve: Today or in general?

Ralph: In General.

Steve: No.

Ralph: Today?

Steve: No.

Ralph: You got into a fight with a girl guide troop last June?

Steve: I’m not sure what happened there…

Ralph: It says here that you and “Missy” had to be physically seperated.

Steve: I thought price negotiating was a part of business. She called me a “doodie head.” It escalated from there.

Ralph: And do you see how that was wrong?

Steve: I see how she should not be in the food service industry.

Ralph: You are a grown man.

Steve: Yes.

Ralph: She was nine.

Steve: Seriously? I think she might be on steroids. She looked like a middle linebacker.

Ralph: See, this is the kind of thing that you should keep to yourself.

Steve: Ahh. But, I’m just being honest.

Ralph: There is such a thing as “too honest.”

Steve: I see.

Ralph: And the thing with Mr. Nguyen’s daughter…

Steve: Pointing out erect nipples…

Ralph: Is bad.

Steve: On eighteen year olds?

Ralph: On anyone.

Steve: Right-o.

Ralph flips through more pages in the file.

Ralph: Now… Leslie.

Steve: Yeah?

Ralph: Do you know what you did wrong in that case?

Steve: I told Leslie that drinking beer was bad during pregnancy.

Ralph: But…

Steve: It was actually a can of soda.

Ralph: Plus…

Steve: Leslie wasn’t pregnant.

Ralph: And…

Steve: Leslie is a man.

Ralph: Exactly.

Steve: I think I see where you are going with all of this.

Ralph: You do?

Steve: I should not have told Jim that his wife was a dirty whore.

Ralph: That’s right. Exactly! I can’t believe this hasn’t come up before.

Steve: This is my fourteenth job in the last two years.

Ralph: Ahh.

Steve: Some people are just touchy.

Ralph: How so?

Steve: I mean your wife is a much dirtier whore than Jim’s and you are okay with it.

POW. Ralph punches Steve in the face.

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8 Responses to “Some people are just touchy.”

  1. 1 treespotter

    LOLOLOL, this is actually funny.

  2. 2 Peter

    Thanks!

    Especially for sounding so shocked. ;)

  3. 3 Kukka-Maria

    I think I’ve worked with Steve before. Snorting with laughter while reading this caused water to come through my nose.

    Thanks for the nasal discomfort! It was worth it!

  4. 4 Dave

    That’s almost as backhanded a remark as “Oddly enough I have to echo Dave’s comments.” ;)

    Nice bit, Mr. DeWolf. The Leslie bit was the clincher.

  5. 5 James Cooper

    Agreed – the escalation in the Leslie portion of the dialogue was the meat of the conversation. Calling other people’s wives whores and getting punched for it was a nice appetizer and dessert though. Hey, anyone else hungry?

  6. 6 Steph

    That was hilarious! You should write scetch comedy. :)

  7. 7 Peter

    kukka: Blame Steve for your keyboard wetness. That guy…

    Dave: hahaha I thought about that comment after I hit “post.” You know what I meant. heheh

    James: Thanks, dude. And now I AM hungry. I am so easily led.

    Steph: Thanks, ma’am! I used to want to write for SNL. Then it started sucking so massively.


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