What IS going on in my fridge?

22Sep06

[Peter note: Now would probably be a good time to mention again that everything I write in here is a first draft. Also, this site is all about practicing writing, amusing myself and NOT about the final product. You’re a little scared now, aren’t you?]

When I was a little kid, I used to wonder what went on in our fridge after we closed the door. And, no, this isn’t a joke about the light staying on. I used to think that it would be cool if the food had their own little world going on.

That WOULD be cool.

Many different types of food living together. Their leader would be a tupperware container of leftover “Bush” beans. (Subtle, eh?) You guessed it, his second in command is a weiner.

Roughly half of the foods feel that the money they make is theirs and theirs alone. While the other half feels like the government has the right to use surpluses on programs that help those in need. (Things like buying new boxes of baking soda to get rid of smells.)

Half the foods feel like traditions and values most be kept sacred. While the other half feels that as times change, they must adjust how they view lifestyle customs.

Half of the foods greatly value the free enterprise system, while the other half feels like the government can do a better job of distributing wealth amongst the foods.

I think you get the picture.

Things have been busy recently in the fridge.

The beans and weiner have sent troops into a senseless battle in the dryer in the basement. They claimed that a weapon of mass sock stealing is in there. Meanwhile, the washer is building up it’s nuclear arsenal and doesn’t give a flying fuck what the rest of the house thinks. (Beans calls it a “nucular aresenal.” Silly.)

The fridge always has to be wary of the growing China cabinet. That thing is expanding like mad. And it has a strange way of governing itself, which kinda scares and baffles the fridge foods.

The fridge is also secretly jealous of it’s sexy neighbors in the cupboard above it. It is chock full of maple syrup, Cadbury chocolate bars and awesomeness.

And now, if things weren’t crazy enough, a Venezuelan arepa just gave a speech in the crisper saying that beans is the devil.

What next?

Uh oh… there is talk of a bloody coup in the tool box in the shed.

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10 Responses to “What IS going on in my fridge?”

  1. 1 Erika

    Peter, I’m feeling slightly philosophical this morning (perhaps it’s the excellent coffee, perhaps it’s the underwear). I think you left out an important detail. If you lived in this world of fridge domination, what item would you be in the cupboard? Inquiring minds want to know (ok, probably just me). I’m partial to the maple syrup myself.

  2. 2 Peter

    Erika: That is a VERY good question. While I loves maple syrup, I think I’d be a cup and a half of the awesomeness. How about you?

    And congrats on the underwear. It sounds like a keeper.

  3. 3 Steph

    Sweetie, step away from the crack pipe. It’s for your own good :P

  4. 4 Peter

    Steph: Thank you… I needed that. It’s just… that… I have all these thoughts. *sniffle*

  5. 5 James Cooper

    I… think… you’re trying to tell us something…

  6. 6 tony

    hey peter — we are probably going to the blue jays game tomorrow. email raymi or pitt for the details. would love to meet you!

    tony

  7. 7 treespotter

    this post gets me hangry.

  8. 8 treespotter

    see. that seems like a good idea before i posted.

  9. 9 Peter

    james: Mostly that I lose a sock in my dryer and it still pisses me off.

    tony: E-mailed you, dude.

    treespotter: A combo of hungry and angry? If it had also made you horny, that would have been too many voewls to include.

    treespotter: Are you trying to make a point? I typically ignore those. ;)

  10. 10 Janet

    Don’t forget the potatoes and the corn. They are the “eyes” and “ears” of the operation:)


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