A Facebook Love Story

18May07

This is a story about Jim and Robin. They are strangers.

Or at least they were.

They are at the same party, but standing on opposite sides of the room.

Robin is standing near the door thinking, “I wish there was someone here to talk to,” when she sees Jim.

Jim is standing against the wall thinking, “If I sneeze wearing these too-tight boxer briefs, I’ll never have children,” when he sees Robin approaching.

Robin: Hi.
Jim: Hey.
Robin: Having fun?
Jim: Quite a bit.
Robin: It’s a good party?
Jim: Naw. I’ve just been stealing shit from various rooms.
Robin: Really?
Jim: No, of course not.

Robin laughs.

Jim: Yes.

Robin laughs harder.

Robin: I recognize you from a picture. We have a friend in common on Facebook. I can’t remember who it is…
Jim: Shelley?
Robin: No.
Jim: Stacey?
Robin: No.
Jim: Phil?
Robin: No. Hang on, let me think.
Jim: Frank.
Robin: No. Stop for a sec.
Jim: Jake?
Robin: Shut it!
Jim: Aloysius?
Robin: No.. Wait. You have a friend named “Aloysius?
Jim: Ohhhh… you wanted REAL guesses?

They walk together out to the deck. They are mid-conversation.

Robin: If you don’t like people, why did you come here?
Jim: Both my parole officer and court-appointed psychologist think it is a good idea for me to socialize more.
Robin: Really?
Jim: No.
Robin: Okay.
Jim: Yes.
Robin: What?
Jim: Nothing.

Moments later, they are leaning against the railing.

Robin: You were born in the 70s?
Jim: Yup.
Robin: They had childbirth back then?
Jim: Oh… So that’s how it’s going to be?
Robin: It would appear so.
Jim: Have you considered the possibility that you aren’t as cute as you think you are?
Robin: Briefly.
Jim: Not possible?
Robin: Possible. But extremely unlikely.
Jim: Gotcha.

Few seconds of silence.

Jim: So, what is the downside with you?
Robin: What do you mean?
Jim: You seem too good to be true.
Robin: I’m moving out of the country for six months.
Jim: Of course you are. I bet it’s soon.
Robin: Tomorrow.
Jim: Sounds about right for my luck.

They kiss. For a while. They bond. They kiss some more. But, eventually…

Robin: I gotta go.
Jim: Thank God. I was having a bastard of a time resisting copping a feel.
Robin: Spin class works?
Jim: Nicely spun.
Robin: Really? That’s the line you are going with?
Jim: I stand by it.
Robin: Okay. So add me on Facebook as soon as you get home.
Jim: Can I change my status to “smitten” first?
Robin: I suppose. Just don’t poke me. I hate it when people poke me.
Jim: Maybe they just aren’t doing it right.

Silence.

Robin: What does that even mean?
Jim: I’m… not sure. Sometimes I just like to hear myself talk.

Jim walks her to her car. They embrace.

As she slides into the driver’s seat, he reaches into his jacket and pulls out a decorative pepper shake and passes it to her.

Jim: I searched far and wide for this gift for you.
Robin: Where is the salt shaker?
Jim: Dude, we just met.

Robin smiles, closes the door, and starts her car.

Jim watches her leave.

He reaches back into his inside pocket and pulls out a pink wallet. He opens it up and looks at a driver’s license.

Jim: That’s a pretty good picture of her.

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25 Responses to “A Facebook Love Story”

  1. 1 Caity

    See, now I know I have psychological problems related to dating men because I am mildly smitten with this Jim character.

    Love the dialogue, love the natural feel of it.

  2. 2 Peter

    caity: Thanks! The problem with Jims is that when they say those Jim-like things in real life, the female usually stares at them like they are insane. It is not easy being a Jim.

  3. 3 Clink

    I second being mildly smitten with Jim.

    I also second loving the entire piece.

    (I am unfortunately incapable of original thoughts at the moment. I haven’t had coffee yet.)

  4. 4 molly

    Found you through Clink, what a great post to start reading! Love!

  5. 5 Peter

    clink: Luckily enough my writing seems much better before the reader has coffee… or after they have 4 drinks.

    molly: Welcome! And thanks!

  6. 6 The Stormin Mormon

    Dude, I almost died laughing at the to tight boxer briefs comment.

    No idea as to why…

  7. 7 Steph

    Baahahahaha! I like him. That’s the sorta man I’d marry.

  8. 8 Dawn

    And this is why I’m single…because Jim is TOTALLY my type. *sigh*

    I’d be on the phone with my friends, “I just met the greatest guy, he’s witty, and cute, and seems super smart.” Then I’d be at the airport the next morning wondering why I didn’t have my wallet.

  9. 9 mist1

    I am signing up for spin class now that I know it works.

  10. 10 wendy

    The sad thing is, if I was Robin I still would want to have him around even though he stole my wallet. It’s all his fault really.

  11. 11 Caity

    Thanks for the note Peter. Decided against the burning- I think there’s a rule that a woman is allotted only one ex-boyfriend-memento-burning-session per week, and I’ve already had one of them. Seriouly. I opted instead to mail everything back to him, figure that would be a nice ending to everything. Though I’m not sure what he will do with a women’s CBGB shirt.

    Perhaps I wouldn’t have to consider these things if I didn’t ultimately chase after “Jims”.

  12. 12 heather

    here by way of mist. i’ll keep in mind that this blog is best read before coffee or after alcohol. shouldn’t be much of a problem for me ;-)

    great story. i like the rhythm.

  13. 13 Deanna

    You are a little bit twisted.

  14. i love that story. tell it again.

  15. I think Jim is my father. I demand a paternity test.

    Wait, no. I take that back, I think I might want to marry Jim.

    I tend to use lines similar to Jim’s but not nearly as clever. I like to introduce myself several times to the same man with a different name each time.

    …and I wonder why I’m single.

  16. its not like she needed her license anyways…being overseas and all.

  17. I wish I could meet a Jim in real life. Should keep me on my toes.

  18. Oh, I like witty boys. It’s unfortunate that I rarely meet any….

  19. Hmm. Jim sounds familiar.

  20. 20 boris

    sta da kazem treniram fudbal…volim provod zene alkohol sta jos

  21. 21 techsmith

    Can I shoot this as a short film? Love the dialogue and have been looking for something to shoot for my editing reel. Working on my Final Cut Pro certification.

    Hit me bacK


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