I’ll see you in hell, NaBloPoMo.


I am not usually one to discuss news or current events in this space.

Mostly because I am pretty self-absorbed.

However, sometimes a story is just SO huge that a person can’t not bring it up.

And I don’t mean the Barry Bonds thing, because, let’s face it, unless they make being a sac de douche a felony, he won’t spend day one in the hoosegow.


I think a few months of him having to watch his own huge acne-riddled back in the shower would be good for him.

What I am, of course, talking about is Lindsay Lohan and the rough 84 minute stretch that she did in the pokey.

84 minutes.


Why not just make her sit through a screening of JUST MY LUCK? It is 103 minutes long and twice as painful.

In tribute to poor LL, here is a short list of things that I have spent more than 84 minutes doing:

  • Your mom. (Come on. It was too easy. And just sitting there. Like your mom.)
  • Showering. (I once sang the entirety of Journey’s Greatest Hits and didn’t get out until the hot water heater spit the bit.)
  • Crafting an e-mail reply to Clink describing how I feel about Anna Friel on “Pushing Daisies.” (I apparently know a lot of different ways to say “I LOVE her.”)
  • Trying to get sideburns even.
  • Playing Scrabulous on Facebook (x1000)
  • Learning to play “Sister Golden Hair” on guitar. And then never picking one up again.
  • Trying unsuccessfully to forget that my mother’s cell ringtone is “My Humps.”
  • Sitting in a jail cell. (When I was a kid, my grandfather was the local jailer. He used to lock us in for fun. And sometimes got sidetracked before letting us out.)
  • Pondering why Lo doesn’t get more burn on “The Hills.”
  • Trying to convince myself to hit “publish” on this. Stupid NaNoBloMo. It makes everything seem like a chore that you don’t want to do, yet feel obligated to.

Like your Mom.


27 Responses to “I’ll see you in hell, NaBloPoMo.”

  1. 1 molly

    And you wonder why so many women read you.

  2. 2 Peter

    Because of the mother jokes?

  3. 3 La

    Ha! I can’t fully put into words how much I love Anna Friel, and made the mistake of falling for the bait to see picture of her topless, and now every time we watch the show, my fiance giggles and says “We’ve TOTALLY seen her naked.”

    Like your mom.

    :) (Have a great weekend!)

  4. 4 Miriam

    La Lohan along with other celebritards should really get more jail time for the idiotic things that they do while driving. My husband had to defend the stupidest traffic citation ever this morning and he was there for way longer than 84 minutes.


  5. 5 Peter

    la: Anna Friel has never been topless a day in her life!!!

    miriam: In that setting, I would have to yell “You can’t handle the truth!!!” at some point.

  6. 6 Peter

    la: And I hope you have a great weekend too!

  7. 7 Susie

    Why is everyone so obsessed with Scrabulous?? I need to check this out. Wait, no, the last thing I need is something else that’s going to distract me from work.

    And seriously, your mom’s ringtone cannot be “My Humps.” That’s worse than my mom singing Pink’s “You and Your Hand” while at work in the OR at a children’s hospital. Ohhh moms.

  8. 8 each of the two

    hate to break it to you, but Anna Friel has also given birth.

    like your mom.

  9. 9 Peter

    susie: But, Scrabulous is fuuuun. Come to the dark side, Susie. Shhh. It won’t hurt a bit. Come on.

    each of the two: And I am sure that Anna Friel is an adorable mother.

  10. 10 mindy

    I think I would cry if my mom’s cell phone started playing “My Humps”…and I’m not sure if that crying would be out of disgust or joy.

  11. 11 Peter

    mindy: I am telling myself that someone must have been using it to entertain The ACN. Left to her own devices, my mother would have The Beatles on there.

  12. 12 lfar

    Hey, I liked Just My Luck! You should know my views on LiLo by now.

  13. 13 Cait

    Yeah, I definitely spent more than 84 minutes in a jail cell. Thankfully it’s not on my record (I know how to flirt with cops.)

    How did Martha get so much damn time and Paris and Lindsey are out in the time it takes me to try to figure out why I even care?

  14. 14 blogging

    can we play scrabulous? please? k thanks.

    and your uncle would lock you in a jailcell for fun? wow. there are no words.

    have a happy weekend :)

  15. 15 Ashley

    The fact that your grandfather would lock you in jail cells and forget about it for a while had me laughing pretty hard.

    Celebrities, unless they learned how to drive prior to becoming a star, should not be allowed to drive. Do you notice that child stars are the ones with allllll the problems behind the wheel? Britney…La Lohan…Paris….I think i have a good point here.

    Have a fabulous weekend!

  16. 16 Tia

    even half-assed, you’re still funny. =)

    and i agree about Lo. i’d like more of her and less of Audrina.

  17. 17 Michelle and the City

    will you stop reading my blog if i admit to loving Lindsay Lohan?

    because if you will then i deny everything.

    and seriously your mom’s ringtone is My Humps? too funny.

  18. 18 NYCPonderings Chick

    your moms ringtone is my humps …wow that is amazing! My mom doesnt even know how to answer her cell let alone download My Humps

  19. 19 Paige Jennifer

    I was reading your post and laughed my ass off at the Just My Luck suggestion. Because man that movie sucked. Royally. I know because I’ve seen. Like three times. HBO had it on heavy rotation and apparently….um….I don’t have….um….a life. Fuck. Now I’m depressed.

  20. 20 sybil law

    Moms should only be allowed to have crappy musak as their ringtones.
    Wait – I’m a mom! Shit.
    Well, mine is “Shattered” (Rolling Stones).
    Your moms is waaay creepier.
    Lindsay Lohan is an idiot who gets paid a lot of money.

  21. 21 B2G

    I totally second Tia. Audrina isn’t pretty. Seriously. Do you think she’s pretty? And she obviously isn’t all there. Justin-Bobby? Seriously? She just doesn’t seem very intelligent. Plus I heart Lo.

  22. 22 Eve

    I’m addicted to Scrabulous too.

    Why do people like that humps song so much? I don’t get it? It’s not even melodic!

  23. 23 sharnee

    84 minutes doing my mum? ha! i heard it was more like 4 minutes!

    ps: i HATE lindsay lohan with a passion.

  24. 24 Airam

    Lindsey is dumb. And stop kicking my ass in Scrabulous.

  25. 25 kelsi

    i feel like there’s some thievery going on here. you totally stole that guy’s mom from me.
    also, mr. dewolf, you of all people will enjoy this:

  26. 26 Hope

    I’m still laughing about the mother jokes.

    Also, Anna Friel is just plain gorgeous. How can you NOT love her?

  27. 27 Clink

    Come on, we both know that 84 minutes is clearly not enough time to compose an “Anna Friel is a goddess” email. I’d say 120, minimum.

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