An Open Letter to My Future Wife #3 (Letter #3, not wife #3… probably.)
I know, I know. It’s been a while. I’m sorry.
Been busy, you know?
No, not too busy for you. That’s not what I meant.
ANYWAY, the reason I am writing is because I’ve been seeing something popping up on posts by various female bloggers that I read. Essentially it–
They are just friends. I swear.
Yes, you told me that your ex-boyfriend is sniffing around again. But, you also told me that dude couldn’t even find your g-spot if he used Mapquest. So, forgive me if I don’t feel threatened.
Where did this jealous streak come from? And why do I put up with it?
Because you are cute and sweet?
Well, that’s a good point.
So, the idea of these posts is the classic “list.” You know, 5 celebs that if you got the chance, you could…
Yes, I know yours would all be George Clooney.
What? Jude Law?
I’m going to pretend that you didn’t say that.
Now, you know me, Future Wife, I don’t really care about celebrities. Sure I like cute female celebs, but no more than I’d like a cute female receptionist at an insurance agency.
That being said, here is my list:
1) Anna Friel — Did you see the episode of “Pushing Daisies” where she mimes being a bear? COME on. The cuteness!
2) Blake Lively — I know that she is, like, twenty. And, yes, I feel ever so lecherous. But, I think that when Lance Armstrong started dating the creepy little Olsen twin, it flung the doors wide open for lechers everywhere. Other than pissing off the French, this is my favourite thing he’s ever done.
3) Sarah Evans — I know nothing about country music. I do loves me some of your Johnny Cashes, Kris Kristoffersons and Waylon Jenningseseses, and I have been singing “She’s a good hearted woman, in love with a good-timing man” all day, but I have no idea what’s going on in country music right now. However, I was at my aunt’s house on Saturday, and she was watching the country music station. They showed a video by this chica. Je suis intrigued.
4) Lindsey Deluce — So, The Monkey danced on a telethon yesterday. (And it was available on satellite across Canada!) One of the hosts was this woman. From what I can gather, she is a reporter for the local news — which, beginning yesterday, I’ve started watching regularly. She’s delightful. (Also, she was wearing a shirt much like the cowl neck one that Caitlyn mentions in this post about how I beat her at Scrabulous.)
5) Lauren Graham — I’ve been good about not blogging about the lovely Lauren Graham. Lately. But, there WAS a time.
Just missing my list was Claire Coffee — who was adorable on two old episodes of “The West Wing” that I watched last week. (Now I am thinking I may want to replace Sarah Evans with her. Curses!)
And, yes, Rachel Bilson used to ALWAYS be on my list. However, since Hollywood RUINED her by making her all scrawnified… Curves are good, people!!!!!! That goes for you too, Ali Larter. Eat a damn hamburger.
So, yeah, that is my list.
While we’re on the subject, any chance I can create a list of my top five female bloggers too?
Yeah, see, I knew that I went too far with that one.
Filed under: peter's future wife | 30 Comments
Tags: future wife, Seemed MUCH funnier in my head, The Monkey