An Open Letter to My Future Wife #3 (Letter #3, not wife #3… probably.)


Hi, sweetie.

How’s things?

I know, I know. It’s been a while. I’m sorry.

Been busy, you know?

No, not too busy for you. That’s not what I meant.

ANYWAY, the reason I am writing is because I’ve been seeing something popping up on posts by various female bloggers that I read. Essentially it–

What’s that?

They are just friends. I swear.


Yes, you told me that your ex-boyfriend is sniffing around again. But, you also told me that dude couldn’t even find your g-spot if he used Mapquest. So, forgive me if I don’t feel threatened.

Where did this jealous streak come from? And why do I put up with it?

Because you are cute and sweet?

Well, that’s a good point.

So, the idea of these posts is the classic “list.” You know, 5 celebs that if you got the chance, you could…

Yes, I know yours would all be George Clooney.

What? Jude Law?

I’m going to pretend that you didn’t say that.

Now, you know me, Future Wife, I don’t really care about celebrities. Sure I like cute female celebs, but no more than I’d like a cute female receptionist at an insurance agency.

That being said, here is my list:

1) Anna Friel — Did you see the episode of “Pushing Daisies” where she mimes being a bear? COME on. The cuteness!

2) Blake Lively — I know that she is, like, twenty. And, yes, I feel ever so lecherous. But, I think that when Lance Armstrong started dating the creepy little Olsen twin, it flung the doors wide open for lechers everywhere. Other than pissing off the French, this is my favourite thing he’s ever done.

3) Sarah Evans — I know nothing about country music. I do loves me some of your Johnny Cashes, Kris Kristoffersons and Waylon Jenningseseses, and I have been singing “She’s a good hearted woman, in love with a good-timing man” all day, but I have no idea what’s going on in country music right now. However, I was at my aunt’s house on Saturday, and she was watching the country music station. They showed a video by this chica. Je suis intrigued.

4) Lindsey Deluce — So, The Monkey danced on a telethon yesterday. (And it was available on satellite across Canada!) One of the hosts was this woman. From what I can gather, she is a reporter for the local news — which, beginning yesterday, I’ve started watching regularly. She’s delightful. (Also, she was wearing a shirt much like the cowl neck one that Caitlyn mentions in this post about how I beat her at Scrabulous.)

5) Lauren Graham — I’ve been good about not blogging about the lovely Lauren Graham. Lately. But, there WAS a time.

Just missing my list was Claire Coffee — who was adorable on two old episodes of “The West Wing” that I watched last week. (Now I am thinking I may want to replace Sarah Evans with her. Curses!)

And, yes, Rachel Bilson used to ALWAYS be on my list. However, since Hollywood RUINED her by making her all scrawnified… Curves are good, people!!!!!! That goes for you too, Ali Larter. Eat a damn hamburger.


So, yeah, that is my list.

While we’re on the subject, any chance I can create a list of my top five female bloggers too?

Yeah, see, I knew that I went too far with that one.

Take care.



30 Responses to “An Open Letter to My Future Wife #3 (Letter #3, not wife #3… probably.)”

  1. 1 Caitlyn

    I’d hardly call that a win. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that I LET you win. Yeah, I said it.

  2. 2 CamiKaos

    oh that post. looking for trouble…

  3. 3 lfar

    The only ones that I know are Lauren Graham and Blake Lively. (Blake is pretty awesome. You totally watch Gossip Girl, don’t you?)

    Does the fact that I don’t know the others make me uncool, or does it make you uncool? I can’t decide.

    Plus, I don’t understand why everybody doesn’t love Kristen Bell. Have you SEEN veronica mars? She’s the coolest.

  4. 4 Miriam

    Is your title in reference to HIMYM’s probably quotes?

    “Some mushrooms are carnivorous…probably”

  5. 5 Jess

    I don’t know those people! Therefore, I need photos.

  6. 6 Michelle and the City

    only if i can be on it. haha ;)

    and i’m glad something peaked your interest in country music. even if it was the hottness that is sarah evans. lol

  7. 7 Peter

    caitlyn: I was pretty much asleep and STILL one. you are getting crushed in our current game. I just decided.

    camikaos: I am hoping the future wife is forgiving about these things.

    miriam: Nope. I’ve been saying that for years. Though I did feel like the first two seasons of HIMYM were stealing directly from my brain. Not this year though. They are on their own.

    lisa: CRAP. I LOOOOOOOVE Kristen Bell. She’d be top 3. CRAP.

    jess: Have I mentioned just how lazy I am?

  8. 8 Peter

    michelle: I have no idea what the song was. I think she was getting dudes in the mail or something in the video.

  9. 9 distracted spunk

    I know I’d be in that top five. *brushes off shoulder casually*. Also, I love Lauren Graham too. I just think she’s hilarious. And I like that she’s not scrawny. I wanna be best friends with her.

  10. 10 Peter

    distracted spunk: You realllllly don’t want to get me started on Lauren Graham. :)

  11. 11 Clink

    Your list and my list are eerily similar.

    Wait, is it wrong that I have a top five female list but not a top five male list?

  12. 12 Peter

    clink: Only if “wrong” means “clink is awesome.”

  13. 13 Stephanie

    If I was a man, I would want Lauren Graham and Blake Lively on my lists too. But since I’m not, they are on my I-really-want-to-be-best-friends-forever-with-them list.

    Oh, I loooove Blake Lively!

  14. 14 blogging


    and blake lively is hot. seriously. and the show gossip girl? so freaking good. shush. you know you watch it.

  15. 15 Susie

    I love Lauren Graham and Sara Evans. I approve of your list (in case you were wondering); and I’m glad you seem to like the nice girls over the trashy :)

  16. 16 jamelah

    Every relationship needs one of these lists. I always cheat though and ask “Can I add ________ to the list?” while not actually subtracting anyone else. So sneaky, I am.

  17. 17 Hope

    Peter, you have impeccable taste.

    Anna Friel, Lauren Graham, Blake Lively AND Rachel Bilson (I so want to be her!)

    Plus, you referenced West Wing. You’re awesome.

  18. 18 mindy

    I can’t picture any of these women except for Blake Lively. She is on Gossip Girl, which I’m sure you watch religiously.

    PS. Hi, I’m back. Kind of.

  19. 19 Miss Pickle

    I totally have a crush on Blake Lively…and Sara Evans for that matter.

    Sigh…now I have to go and make my own list.

  20. 20 Peter

    stephanie: Blake Lively was on Regis & Kelly a while back and seemed just as delightful. Maybe more so.

    blogging barbie: Gossip… Girl, is it? Hmmm. doesn’t sound familiar at all. (hee hee)

    susie: Of course! Nice girls rule. Cute nice girls = powerless Peter.

    jamelah: Sneaky! Though I already want to sneak Kristen Bell in there. And, come to think of it, Moon Bloodgood.

    hope: Thanks! It was the episode where the writing staff quits on Will, so he uses the interns. He can’t remember their names, so he makes them wear Washington Redskin numbered jerseys. She was the spunkiest intern.

    mindy: Welcome back! Sort of. Do I seem like the type of dude who would watch some teen melodrama? Come on now.

    miss pickle: You do realize that Blake Lively is mine, right?

  21. 21 Peter


    Jazz just reminded me via e-mail that I forgot Mandy Moore.

    I love Mandy Moore.

  22. 22 The Ex

    I saw Sara Evans in concert about a year ago and fell in love with her. She’s such a little sexpot. She’s single too, I heard.

  23. 23 Airam

    Dude, NaBloPoMo is over!


  24. 24 libby

    ow ow! nice picks peter. all very lovely looking ladies – and i’m not ashamed to admit it!

  25. 25 brookem

    oh you picked some lookers. i didn’t know who they all were at first (ahem), but my google image skills helped.

  26. 26 Tia

    “that dude couldn’t even find your g-spot if he used Mapquest”

    i have no words for the hilariousness of that.

  27. 27 The Stormin Mormon

    Pete, I had to laugh about the whole list.

    Of the eight women mentioned I had to Google four of them.

    That said, Ali Larter and Rachel Bilson are both supremely hot. But were hotter before…

  28. 28 Peter

    the ex: Realllllly? Put in a good word for me?

    airam: I was going to skip yesterday, but somehow ended up posting. Though I didn’t feel obligated, and that makes all the difference.

    libby: You apparently have great taste in women.

    brookem: What did we ever do before GIS? Was that really living?

    tia: Thanks! I thought it was a nice combo of pervy and geeky.

  29. 29 nicoleantoinette

    This is hilarious. I love The West Wing and totally think Claire should be on your list.

  1. 1 4th open letter to my future wife «

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: