I have a confession…

28May08

I don’t own any porn.

It’s true.

Take a moment to wipe your Bloody Mary off of your monitor.

I don’t make this confession to try to impress women and to have them reply with things like:

“My word, Peter is such a gentleman!”

“Yes, quite!”

Mostly because I rarely ever date snooty rich British ladies.

From cartoons.

It’s just a fact. And one I touched on over at The ‘Stache ages ago.

I have owned one Playboy magazine. It was the one with Drew Barrymore. I still remember buying it.

I slapped that magazine down on the counter and said, “Ring that up for me, shopkeep!”

Which, to the untrained ear, might have sounded remarkably like, “Can..uhm… I also have.. a, you know, pack… of Triiii*voice cracks*iiident gum?”

I’ve had friends say, “But porn… blah blah blah… fuels the imagination.”

Clearly they’ve never met my imagination. It needs no help. It’s the best porn ever.

Also, in my imagination there are no ginormous fake breasts, cheesy dialog, or vagina-adjacent tattoos of Screaming Eagles.

Maybe a black panther though.

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13 Responses to “I have a confession…”

  1. 1 A Lil' Irish Lass

    You struck me as more the erotic literature type anyway.

  2. 2 deutlich

    Well, go figure! I, on the other hand, own LOTS of porn.

    True story.

  3. 3 BS

    An ex contended that no man needs to own porn anymore, what with the internet and all.

  4. 4 JenBun

    I still say you’re missing out…

    It doesn’t ALL have to be ginormous fake breasts, cheesy dialogue, and vadge tats…

    I mean, most of it is, but it doesn’t HAVE to be.

    Sometimes it is a touching story of the love between your former-high-school classmate and a foot-long weiner. True story.

    (Also? I would imagine you would have ALL SORTS of homemade porn. But that may just be my imagination, now…)

  5. 5 kristin

    hahaha. i loved this.

    funny thing. my roommate gets playboy. it’s a joke from a male friend of hers who subscribes her every year because he gets some distant joy out of the image of her retrieving it from the mailbox and looking around to make sure nobody sees her – or me. i’m sure the mailman is all judgy, though.

  6. 6 Essentially Me

    You’re a catch whether you own porn or not!

  7. 7 Susie

    Duh, Peter, you don’t have to own it when it comes free on the Internet.

    JK…if this is true, then you are an extraordinary man. Not that I didn’t already know that.

    I’ve missed you!

  8. 8 Paige Jennifer

    I once dated a guy who claimed to own no porn. Turned out he was gay. And lying. Because when I borrowed his computer, there was plenty o’ porn to be found. Just not the kind I was used to seeing.

  9. 9 Tia

    damnit. and here i had you pegged for the “ridiculously huge and rather disturbing” porn collection.

    ohwell.

    • 10 Jeana

      What liitarebng knowledge. Give me liberty or give me death.

    • ummmm that outfit is kind of really fantastic. crop top and newspaper AND amazing socks and sandals??!!! there's a reason I'm following you, and it's because YOU HAVE AMAZING TASTE. the end.

    • Sean both of these boxes will make for a great night. Not sure if you are trying to decide between the two or if you have both. It really comes down to a matter of personal preference. Garden Box 341 is more center but a tad further back. Garden Box 162 is more off to the left but closer to the stage. Box 341 is also an aisle box so people only on one side. I hope these photos of the views help you make a choice … if you have one to make Garden Box 162:Garden Box 341:

  10. 13 Hollywood Sucker

    The boyfriend (fiance now i guess) used to subscribe to Playboy and I liked looking through them when he wasn’t paying attention. But then one day they stopped showing up and I asked if he’d canceled them and he had and I wanted to protest but I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea.


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