marriable… ness… ity…
Like with most things, since this applies to me, I assume it is the same for EVERYONE. When I was younger and someone would ask what I look for in a woman, I’d say something snarky like “nice ass, watches sports.”
But that was last week.
KIDDING.
It was the week before.
When people ask me this lately (and it seems to happen more often than I’d expect) I actually give it some thought.
At least until I see a nice ass or sports.
Last night I got into a chat with this one about what makes a woman “marriable.”
I described the ideal woman as “the kind of girl you can ravish, then take for dinner. then ravish a little in the cab on the way home. then ravish as soon as you get into the house. then watch arrested development with. then ravish. then spoon. then middle of the night ravish. then make her breakfast. then ravish. then marry.”
But, I suppose, there are other things that would be a nice part of the package:
– Someone who will put up with this type of behaviour as she gets ready for work or parties.
– Patience
– Nose freckles.
How about you? What makes someone marriable to you? What about you makes you marriable? What’s the difference between CRT and LCD TVs? I wanna hear from you. And this is a good chance for you to comment if you’ve never commented here before. Do it.
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PeterDeWolf.com 
An aversion to Will Farrell films makes one marriable in my opinion.
There is no way I can spend the rest of my life with someone who lists “Anchorman” as one of their favorite films.
What? That’s ridiculous! What about “Stranger than Fiction”? Will Ferrel was awesome in that. I might or might not be able to quote lines from that movie.
I’d like a guy with compassion and integrity.
I didn’t like that one much.
That one was ok, but I’m still not a big fan. I just don’t like looking at him. Or hearing him.
He and Julia Roberts need to go run away to an island. An island inhabited entirely of celebrities I can’t stand looking at.
(Her mouth is too big for her face and it creeps me out).
Aw, I love Julia Roberts.
The first time I saw Anchorman I was super unimpressed. But I caught pieces again here and there and found a few bits amusing. Or I just like movies/shows that involve singing “Afternoon Delight”
I’m not fond of the movie overall, but that Afternoon Delight scene is GENIUS. I’ve never laughed so hard in my life.
nose freckles. love it. apparently i’m marriable.
It’s not the only thing needed, but it is the most important.
I have nose freckles.
Moving on. I think I should do a post about marriable guys. (Nice ass, watches sports.)
But as discussed previously, AMEN to the ravishing part, especially the bit about watching Arrested Development.
I am not sure why I didn’t see the importance of nose freckles before.
My favourite ex has nose freckles.
And (possibly) my second favourite (from high school!) also has nose freckles.
Randomly… someone who:
– can argue/disagree without being mean/rude about it, someone who can provoke me because they know how to
– gets me. or at least, tolerates the quirks and randomness
– has a sense of adventure like mine or that can at least keep up with mine
– will ravish me while I’m too busy or mad or just when least expected
– will take care of me when I need it and will quietly, patiently ignore me when I insist I’m fine and don’t need their help
– will put up with the fact that I can’t decorate or match anything
What makes me marriable?
– well, judging by your criteria, I have nose freckles (but only in the summer) and I like sports, so… that works right?
– come to think of it, I actually have a really cute nose.
– and I’m fun
– totally adorable, even when not wanted to be
– demon in the sack
– can cook
– good speller
Thorough!
Nose freckles AND demon in the sack? You are set.
I do have freckles but not on my nose, so maybe this is why I’m still single.
Are they under your eyes? Because that is the next best.
I guess I can settle for next best.
But you have endearing communist hair.
Physically marriable = nice hands, good teeth, taller than I, dark hair, dimples, dimples, dimples.
Morally marriable = would uphold marriage vows until his last breath were drawn and simply put, has same standards and morals as you.
Mentally marriable = common sense trumps book sense for me.
Emotionally marriable = can handle your little fits of frenzy and is sensitive enough to have you handle his.
BTW, I have nose freckles & I am divorced. Stupid freckles.
Hmmm. Maybe your freckles are TOO powerful?
A marriable guy:
– has eye crinkles from smiling
– makes me laugh
– is at least 4″ taller than me
– is smart enough to challenge me, and has an open mind
– will hug me when I’m at my worst and scariest (WHICH IS PRACTICALLY NEVER.)
– is a demon in the sack but who doesn’t think that one raised eyebrow constitutes foreplay
I am marriable because:
– I pick my battles and let the rest go (there’s your patience right there)
– I am independent and fairly intelligent
– I make the best peanut butter cookies on the planet
– I don’t mind if a guy watches porn (maybe this should have been first)
– I’m not quite a DEMON in the sack, maybe, but I sure do enjoy trying. Often.
– Oh, also I hate shopping.
The qualities that make me marriable are not necessarily what I would consider to be my BEST ones, just the ones that guys seem to like. Also, I couldn’t care less about sports, but I can entertain myself while sports are on. Half a point?
Why 4″ taller? For wearing heels?
No. For kissing.
Most important part.
I’ve never kissed a girl only four inches shorter than me.
Fourteen inches, sure.
Good God, how tall ARE you?!
Oh. Unless you only go for petite elfin-type women. Then that would make sense.
I have nose freckles. Pretty much all over my face freckles. I have a nice ass, I like sports (especially football), I cook, I know when to use a semi-colon, I think sex is more fun than roller coasters, and my dresses are almost always too short (unless they’re long).
But I’m probably not marriable (marryable?).
Do you ever tell men, “You have to be at least *this* tall for this ride?”
Occasionally. But sometimes I use words like, “Um…yeah, I think we should see other people.” You know, if they’re not…tall enough.
I’m great marriage material because I’ll put up with a lot of crap.
I want someone who won’t give me a lot of crap.
I’m sorry, but this made me laugh.
I think this is my favourite answer so far!
He buys me gifts :)
Shallow!
sincerity. don’t bother without it.
That’s a good one too.
I mean, it’s no nose freckles…
No nose freckles here, just a few on my shoulder. And my main interest in sports consists specifically of pestering Packers fans. Guess I better get used to this unmarried status.
Hmmm. Pestering Packers fans is a good trait too.
Pestering Titans or Jaguar fans would be better.
Shoulder freckles! Now we’re talking. Amanda, if you were a man, you’d be marriable to me.
*Peter dims the lights, puts on Barry White*
Also I think your next post should be on deal-breakers – what makes a woman absolutely NOT marriage material.
AGREED.
Hmmmm. Interesting.
Just being ME makes me marriable. Basically being awesome is what I’m trying to say.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be related.
There was a time when I would have said, “Must be willing to dance naked in a hard hat,” but I’m past that phase.
Mostly.
And I agree entirely on the ravishing, but it’s disturbingly rare to find modern men who feel the same.
Based on past experience, clearly what I’ve thought was marriable in a guy was not in fact staying marriedable.
My new list includes:
must have his finances in control (as in, pays electric bill before electricity is shut off)
must make me feel joyful when his name pops up on my caller ID
must not depend upon me as his sole happiness
must be skilled with power tools (take that however you want)
i don’t have nose freckles, so APPARENTLY i’m out of the peter dewolf marriable contest.
shallow jerks.
so i’m thinking that i want to marry the guy in that book you wrote. i’m a romantic, what can i say?
straight from an earlier post of mine, here are some things that make me marriable (in addition to having nose freckles, being patient, loving to ravish and be ravished):
i am equal parts . . .
– irish and german
– 1950’s housewife and independent single mom
– country and rock and roll
– coffee and bourbon
– the ballet and dive bar
– professional and letting loose
some things that make a man marriable to me:
– knows how i take my coffee and can make a perfect cup
– gets excited about clean sheet night
– lets me go but misses me when i’m gone
– has two eyebrows
– can order a drink for me and have it waiting when i get there
– has an innie bellybutton
– thinks pj’s are sexy
– makes me laugh
– turns me on
– can be quiet
– will stay up all night talking about nothing
– loves music
– wears boxers
– has his own opinions but an open mind
– can kiss passionately
– likes to hold hands
– wants to dance in the house
– is not afraid to experiment and explore
– finds individuality attractive
– opens doors for me
– helps me with my coat
– loves to drive
– makes me feel safe
– appreciates vacuum lines
Sometimes, a person can have every quality you can list … they can be perfect on paper … But if I don’t feel it? Not marriable. I just have to feel it.
Best answer yet. So, so true.
Well done, sir.
Personally? We just celebrated 15 years since my proposal, so the only answer I have is the following:
When you can’t imagine going to the grocery store with anyone else, she’s the one.