i can’t think of a decent title, future wife
I hope you’re having a good day.
Some interesting things have happened since I started writing these letters to you.
1) I’ve received a few e-mails and comments from women telling me that they could be you. (I’ve received even more reminding me, in no uncertain terms, that you are not necessarily a brunette.)
2) I’ve received e-mails/IMs/etc. from people saying some version of “If you lived here, I would so set you up with my friend _________. I think she could be FW!”
Curiosity — and being a silly romantic — leads to me asking for details on the woman.
Sometimes she sounds a little like she could be you.
Sometimes… yeah, no.
But it always intrigues me how people see you. And when it differs from my vision of you, I wonder if I am doing a bad job with these letters.
Or maybe there’s some projecting on their part.
And, of course, it could be based on other posts.
Some of these “I have a friend” people say things like “I can’t believe you are single.”
I’m usually tempted to reply, “Spend a bit of time with me and see what you think…”
Wait… Why am I telling you this? Forget I said anything.
If these hypothetical setter uppers asked me for guidance on how to tell if their friend is you, I would say:
Smart in a clever way.
Clever in a funny way.
Funny in an adorable way.
My favourite ways.
She’s at least 27.*
She’s the friend about whom you might say things like, ‘I just love her,’ ‘She’s awesome,’ ‘If I was a guy, I’d date her!’ or “She has an ass like a ripe nectarine!”
She’s kind. She’s sweet. She’s loyal. She’s good with kids.
She’s good with overgrown, unshaven kids.
And this part is VERY important…
She KNOWS, without the slightest doubt, that there is no way Forest Gump should have beaten either Shawshank or Pulp Fiction for the ’94 Best Picture Oscar.”
You sound pretty good, eh?
I really enjoy writing these letters to you, lady. They feel very natural. They are all first drafts.
I don’t stress over finding the perfect words, because I know you’ll just… get it.
Of course you do.
*If you are under 27, I suppoooooose I can deal with that. But too many age jokes and we are going to have a problem, woman.
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