how to treat a woman


[This, and many other posts, can be found on Peter’s new blog.]

Because of some of the blog posts here, on a number of occasions, blog readers have asked me to give advice to their boyfriends (or potential future boyfriends) on how to treat a woman.

This normally took place while I was in the midst of a Jews-in-the-desert like stretch of singledom. So my replies would usually take the form of “Really? I’M your go-to guy on this? Have you given any thought to joining a convent?”

But I like to help out the other bros when I can. So here is…

How To Treat a Woman:

1) If you like a girl, LIKE the girl. Make sure she knows. Tell her that you like her. If it was me, I’d say something like, “Hey. I like you.” I’m creative like that.

2) Don’t play games. You’re probably not smart enough to win them.

3) If you get a girl’s number, USE it. Don’t wait three days. Hell, don’t wait three hours if you don’t want to. Personally I’d text within the hour with, “Your number is now in my phone. Congratulations. Your life is about to change in wonderful ways.” (But I was born adorable, so this may not work as well for you.)

4) If she says “I’d like that” in that cuuute voice of hers when discussing the idea of you watching a movie with her involving sparkly vampires and werewolves with a strong aversion to wearing shirts, just watch the damn movie. It’s not that big of a deal. Plus you can console yourself with the knowledge that Rachelle Lefevre is in it. Even if she only appears for about seven minutes in the first movie. You know, from what I’ve heard…

5) Once you get her, keep working as if you haven’t succeeded yet. Use whatever skills you have. If you’re creative, create shit. Every single day. If you can cook, then cook. If you’re handy, then build and fix things. Put in the effort. She’s worth it. Because at the end of the day…

She lets you see her boobs. Her. BOOBS. Come on.

6) Go the extra mile. Think about what you could do that would embarrass you if your buddies heard about it. Then go 30% further.

7) Slap her on the bum in the bedroom. And anywhere else, really.

8) Listen. To everything. I don’t understand dudes who can’t think of gift ideas for their girls. She gives you hints all year long. Keep track of them. Christmas is rolling around and you’re trying to decide what to get? Refer to your notes. In September she pointed out a necklace she likes. In November she mentioned wanting a longer necklace to wear with that shirt that fits her so sexily that it makes your inner monologue stutter. So you get her that necklace.

a) You make her happy.
b) She loves you for listening.
c) She wears that shirt more often… ManlySwoon.

9) Try to get to know her.

And NOT just because her feeling like you know her — really know her — will make her more likely to do that thing. You know that thing. *Nods slowly* She’ll see through that. Do it because you like her. You do. I know our male brains are conditioned not to recognize the symptoms — like we also don’t realize when we’re getting older, or are completely lost — but you wouldn’t be reading a post written by some Canadian joker that she sent you if you didn’t.

It’s like this, if you don’t know her middle name, favourite flower, favourite cheese and what she called her childhood blanket, then you’re doing something wrong.

10) Talk to her. Girls want to know what you’re thinking. *Peter looks both ways to make sure no women are reading* Trust me, you do not want their imaginations filling in the blanks. That’s just bad bananas all around, yo.

Tell her what you’re thinking. Good (with a smile) and bad (with delicacy.)

Opening up makes her feel closer to you. (You will like the fact that it will make her feel less inhibited with you.) And it feels nice to have someone you can talk to. No. Really.

Plus if you get all those thoughts out of your head, it leaves more room for fantasy baseball stats and for thinking of ways to get her to do that thing…

And if, after you’ve bumbled your way through all of that, she decides to keep you around…

Hold on tight.

You probably still don’t deserve her.


65 Responses to “how to treat a woman”

  1. 1 BS

    Just hypothetically, how would a lady nonchalantly share this with her well-intentioned boyfriend?

  2. You’re single? Like a jew in a canadian desert? I’m confused ;-)

  3. Sooo what if there is no one right now? When is a good time and what is a good way to show someone this? (“Accidentally” of course)

    Also, I apparently treat men like how you should treat a woman. It explains a lot. Maybe I should butt-slap less often…

    • 6 Kody

      Seem’s like it would work well both ways. If my girlfriend treated me this way i would feel pretty good,even if she was slapping butt.

  4. I love this (especially 1, 2 and 3). This should be required reading in Man School. Required reading in Woman School would be He’s Just Not That Into You. Seriously, though. The next man who comes into my life is getting this link and I’m not even going to try to be sneaky about it (no games!).

  5. I love you. Really. I am off to plaster this all over the internet.

  6. Yes. Yes, yes, YES (a la Meg in Harry & Sally).


  7. I totally just emailed the link to my boyfriend; he actually does most of this and totally rocks but thought he’d like to see it anyway :) Great post!

  8. Seriously, why can’t all men figure this out? Thankfully, we have you to educate them. I’m glad someone said it, cause really, if a guy did this for me, I’d be completely whipped. Easy as pie.

  9. Personally, I would like to take part of Felisa’s comment and run with it.

    You should post a “how to treat a man” follow up post. From your perspective. What would you like women to know about how to treat their man?

    Not that I’d get it right anyway, but I’m sure other women probably could.

  10. yay. this is fabulous.

  11. Brilliant. I need to bookmark this for when future occasions call for it.

  12. So simple, yet so complex. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with all of the shmucks out there :)

  13. I’m putting on my stealth abilities and sneakily sending this to every guy I know.

  14. Last night, while sitting on the rooftop of some Cape Town bar, I shared this blog post with a friend. She snorted a couple of times. And even felt the need to repeat the following out loud, “She lets you see her boobs. Her. BOOBS.”

  15. Sage advice.

  16. this is AMAZING.

    and i wouldn’t expect anything less from you.

    you know women well.


    jk jk :)

  17. “Girls want to know what you’re thinking. *Peter looks both ways to make sure no women are reading* Trust me, you do not want their imaginations filling in the blanks.” Seriously. S-E-R-I-O-U-S-L-Y Cannot tell you how many millions of arguments could have been avoided because dudes just don’t get this.

  18. Perfect, as usual. I love it when men “create shit” for me. *snickers*

    But really, insightful and apt, though you forgot to mention that you shouldn’t always take us as seriously as we take ourselves. More scrunches that way.

  19. Written out this way (very well written) it just doesn’t seem as complicated as life has lead me to believe it is. And it’d be so worth it for guys because YOU GET TO SEE THE BOOBS. Yeesh.

  20. When I make my East Coast road trip to visit Andrea, I’m totally going to visit you too. I just want you to know I will only be 60% surprised if you turn out to be a woman.

    I mean, excellent insight fella!

  21. There needs to be more dudes like you out there. Keep spreading the word.

  22. A.MEN. I never understood that part about not knowing what gifts to buy either.

  23. i’m so happy to have stumbled upon your beautiful blog. you have a rare gift. thanks for sharing it with the world.

    follow our foster:

  24. I think I love you.

    Knowing a man out there understands this subject enough to extrapolate upon it so succinctly and with such humor makes me believe I might not be single forever. *flutters cyber eyelashes*

    Well done!

  25. 28 Garnet

    How wonderful are you!?

    “ManlySwoon” hahaha

  26. great advice!

  27. are you aware that you were mentioned in the liner notes on The Hairpin? congrats!!

  28. oh how neat! the internet is such a small place. sigh.

  29. 32 Tim

    Wow…. Just wow. Way to pump up the female ego here buddy. Well I guess I can’t really knock you for knowing your demographic. This is one of the things thats wrong with the dating world today, articles like this that pander to the “every girl is a princess whom I do not deserve” mentality, that your readership seem to eat up.

    I was half way with ya for most of the article but, you really lost me at the end. Get a grip, if you really feel that you don’t deserve a person, then you either need to improve your self-esteem, or just improve yourself period. Thanks again for making women feel like they are the masters of the universe.

    -Hating guys like you,

    • 33 Chris

      Women who get to feel like princesses once in a while are more apt to let you do the nasty things you think about while looking at porn. If she thinks you value her, she won’t worry about the feelings behind a certain act. Get off your high horse.

      • 34 Chris

        I agree with the “getting more confidence” part. What kind of lady likes a man that is wimpy and self-hating?
        But if you want to do something kinky that she’s not 100% behind, romance couldn’t hurt.
        Scratch that.
        Romance won’t kill you, guys. It can be cheap and inexpensive, and small. Like, a carnation under her windshield wiper that she’ll find before work.
        Romance won’t get you dumped.
        Lack of, on the other hand…

  30. 35 bluejay

    Ok these are all well and good but this turns a relationship into a job and is that really what you want it to be? also i’d like to know who has the time to do all this stuff. That said it’s all really great advice:) but people, relationships are compromise. It’s a 2 way street, if you’re requiring this stuff out of a partner you have to be ready to give as good as you get. :)

  31. 36 Julia

    I agree it should work both ways but maybe he is writing about the things he messed up with in his last relationship and pulled his head out and realized that woman love to feel wanted yes just like men!!! It’s really just the little things that count like picking them a flower…just because!!! you don’t have to go to a fancy floral store i like them better just picked somewhere by yourself.!!! Watching movies you do not like with her…and girls watching movies with your man even if you HATE it!!!! I know sometimes you cannot imagine being interested in some of the things your sig other is and thats fine opposites attract but a relationship works 2 ways some woman and some men dont get that!!!(: In the end as long as your happy in love with the person your with nothing else will really matter!!(:

  32. 37 Kimberley

    Great! If only some people saw this

  33. 38 The dude who gets laid thanks to peter

    Thank you peter i now get laid aaaaaall the time! You Rock Dude!

  34. 39 boko

    New bookstore:

  35. 40 Model

    9ice 1

  36. Crazy, but yes it can work depending on one’s mental creativity.

  37. 42 paul

    Dude, you are awesome! Thank you very much for taking the time to talk to us. If you are ever in the UK let me know, ill put you up.

  38. Wow that was odd. I just wrote an extremely long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t show up. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again.
    Anyway, just wanted to say wonderful blog!

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  46. Nice topic! I can’t help myself to agree with everything you said. It is a mere reality that men should follow. It is not the looks that matters. I can say that it is really the characteristics you show to women. If men will follow your tips they will surely have a nice and great dating experience.Learned it from Magnetic Dating.

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