Archive for the ‘was better in my head’ Category

A cranky, though underratedly handsome man named Ebepeter Scrooge sits in his office, going over his sitemeter stats by candlelight. His assistant, Ben Cratchit, enters. “Mr. Scrooge, it’s pretty cold in here. I mean, I look good in layers, but still.” “Bah!”

january “I’ve known you for an hour and a half and you are already the most exasperating woman I’ve ever met.” “Time would move faster in a prison camp for me too, buddy.” “I think I hate you.” “You sicken me.” “Oh no… we’re going to end up getting married aren’t we?” “Shut your dirty […]

“What about this shirt?” “I didn’t know Gap had an ‘approaching middle age pimp’ department.” “So… no?” “Yeah. No.” “Approaching middle age?” “So…” “So?” “Soooooo…” “I’m not sure that adding vowels is getting us any closer to an understanding.” “You and that girl.” “Yes?” “Did you?” “I don’t kiss and tell.” “What about the time […]

“She said she liked riding bareback. STOP She’s apparently not a fan of speaking figuratively” “He told me that more than the south will RISE AGAIN.” “She puts the ‘PET’ in hooped petticoats.” “But does she put the ‘ASS’ in sassparilla?” “She mentioned her ‘riding habit.’ STOP Totally not what I expected. GOL*” “Told her […]



One of Cameron’s favourite things about having a part-time job in the library is the opportunity for people watching – and listening. He also loves that his best friends line the shelves. Which, he realizes, is a bit sad, but at least they never ask him to help them move. Cameron thinks that line is […]

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Since plagiarism in the ‘sphere (douche alert!) is spreading faster than Madonna’s legs (early 90s pop culture reference alert!) I thought that I would do my part to help… The plagiarizers. What? It can’t be easy to be a plagiarizer.   You have to be lacking in anything resembling a unique thought in your head, and […]

She squinted her eyes.  If she had a signature look, it was that. Actually, if she had a signature look, it would involve sticking her chest out, but as her twenties were winding down, she was trying to move away from that. Except for last Thursday.  But that doesn’t count.  Dollar shots. Dollar SHOTS, motherfuckers. […]