ANOTHER open letter to my future wife…
That’s a lovely shirt. The colour looks GREAT on you.
So, yeah, confession time again. I’ve got some hang-ups, sweetie.
Many of which I am trying to deal with, you know, so that they won’t be issues in the future. For you. That’s just the kind of future husband that I am.
Some of these hang-ups are just too strange and specific to even mention. We’ll let them be surprises.
But, I’ll give you this one. ‘Cause you’re nice. I’m assuming.
First, a little back story… (This IS my blog after all.)
You know how you sometimes develop a crush on a TV character?
You do know, right? Tell me it’s not just me.
I have a little crush on the Donna Moss character on “The West Wing.”
She has the girl next door thing going. She represents doing the right thing and for the right reasons. She is always hopeful. She’s loyal. She’s smart. She’s saucy. And when she shows up in a scene, it just makes the scene… better. She has a glow. A presence.
Like any other TV addict, I can’t really tell the difference between actors and their roles…
I should actually touch on the TV addiction for a moment. Here’s the thing, I am not going to want to talk to you while watching TV.
Not a word. I’m a little OCD about dialogue. I’ll even rewind a show to make sure I don’t miss anything. The way I see it is that writers worked hard picking the exact right words, so we should pay attention to them.
On the plus side, if there is anything you need massaged while I am watching TV, just put it under my hands. Back, feet, head, whatever.
And I will talk all you want before or after the show. I’ll even pause it for you, if there is something you want to discuss immediately. Even though I might grrrr a little about it. Literally. It is best to use the “Sweetie… shut up and pause your show for a minute” maneuver. Do not reach for the remote. It’s like getting between a mama bear and her cub.
Plus, unlike 99.9% of the male population, I’ll realize that sometimes you just want to vent about what’s going on and that you don’t require me to try to fix it.
See? I’m more than just poor fashion choices, obsessive TV watching and strange, not yet revealed hang-ups.
Where were we?
Like any other TV addict, I can’t really tell the difference between actors and their roles. So, when they show up on different shows, or in movies, I have a hard time adjusting.
However, I was very excited last week when Donna Moss (or Janel Moloney) showed up briefly in the final scene of “Brotherhood.”
So, I was more amped than usual to watch this week’s episode. And I didn’t have to wait long to see her. Within seconds there she was.
And there she was naked and having… *whispers* s-e-x.
I never saw Donna Moss do THAT on “The West Wing.”
And this is where the hang-up came in.
You are probably thinking, “What? A good girl can’t have sex? Does it destroy your image? You are such a prude, DeWolf!”
That’s not my hang-up. At all. And you have a bit of an attitude. Why are we getting married?
I am a proponent of nice girls throwing down in the boudoir.
While it was a bit “Oh my…” seeing an actress you’ve watched for years suddenly appear naked, she could have been having sex with a goat for all I cared. And not one of those sexy goats. It could have a beer gut and hardly be able to complete a full “baaaaah” without breaking out into a smokers cough.
You know the type?
After all the sex — and after she wore the shit out of a wife beater! — she peed.
In front of dude.
AND WITH ME WATCHING.
And there’s my problem.
I know, I know. It’s a normal, natural bodily function.
I just don’t want to see it.
The only thing I remember from LEAVING LAS VEGAS is Elisabeth Shue peeing. (And Nic Cage drinking like he could be from one of the branches of my family tree.)
I’m nuts. I know! Lame right?
It’s not even one of those charming quirks where you can say something like, “Awww Peter is trying to wear Pumas to our wedding.” Or “Peter is wearing my underwear and installing a trapeze above the bed. How cute!”
I will hold your hair while you puke. Clean up after you get sick. Take care of you while you are fluish and yet…
I’m going to need you to lock the door when you pee.
Actually, would you be amenable to separate bathrooms all together?
We have to fight… We have to fight to keep the mystery alive.
Also, where are we on those Pumas? Total deal breaker? Black would match the tux. I’m just sayin’.
– ps I also have a HUGE crush on Emily Procter’s character on “The West Wing.” I don’t have to tell you that it made Season 2 awwwwkward.
– pps I am typing this up in g-mail as a draft e-mail. And g-mail is showing me ads for things with names like “Get Your Ex-Wife Back.” Clearly Google knows waaaay too much about me.
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