Archive for November, 2008

you know


You shouldn’t have had to read the eulogy that I wrote for you for your Mom.  Not at eleven years old. You shouldn’t have to hug adult relatives and say, “It’s OK.  We’ll get through this together.”  You don’t have to try to be brave for the rest of us. You don’t have to be […]

I’m sitting on a pigeon crap-encrusted bench with THAT friend.   The one you only see once every few years.  You know, the one that arrives like a tornado.  I’m outside a Subway at 5:17 am.  I’m muttering “I said no fucking onions.”  90% of the digits needed to call the girl who was selling Jell-O […]

I brings the ruckus to the ladies. (Wait.  That’s not it.) If you know anything about me, you know that yesterday was my birthday. (There it is.) And I want to thank everyone for the birthday calls, texts, smoke signals, e-mails, she-males, telegraphs, Facebook wall posts/messages/gifts, crudely drawn nude self-portraits, and new socks. I meant […]

If I ever popped my collar, even accidentally while putting on a shirt, I would slap the living shit out of myself.

The Monkey just looked me up and down and with a smile said, “You know, I totally almost wore the same jeans today.”

The General


I feel like my blog has morphed into nothing but Word Doodles and a few mentions of my novella. (If you buy it, I’ll stop bringing it up.*) So, I thought that I might talk about something different… I am not sure of all of the details, but last night was filled with some very […]

Did you say just “oopsie?” I did. Very manly. I don’t give a fuck. How manly is that? Fine. … Apologize? Me? Yeah? For? Being rude. No. No? No. Hmm. Any other questions? You don’t feel bad? For? Speaking to me like that. Oh. So? Still no. You’re an ass. I wasn’t. When? Before you. […]